I THINK I KILLED THAT PART OF ME

I THINK I KILLED THAT PART OF ME

I think I killed that part of me

that wasn’t me

but just a bundle

of other folk’s ideas

all about love and romance

and marriage and intimacy

and family, belonging

and relating and all that.

A very serious,

frightened,

impossible to maintain

part of me.

It happened in an instant.

Though once upon a time 

I used to wear my armour

Until one night

of our fine nights of passion,

When my attention crash-landed

Into my heart

And what it stands for

And the kind of love-energy

That it is.

That I am.

Truly:

It happened in a second,

The second when

You touched my cheek gently

And lingered there

For what felt like forever,

Your glance so soft and open.

In that second

I knew

You had fully explored me

And owned me then.

You had the map of my being:

You were that map.

That’s when I saw you

In all your splendour,

Then my heart melted like gold

And goodbye was our medicine.

Now I can’t take the ‘man-woman thing’

seriously anymore.

It’ll never be more beautiful

Than your finger’s soft touch

On my cheek

That night.

Sometimes I wish

I didn’t kill

That part of me

That night.